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Coronavirus doctor’s diary: The patient who married hours before dying
By: illovuonline news team
22-04-2020
Image: source
Dr John Wright relates two love stories from the Covid wards of Bradford Royal Infirmary – one about a patient marrying his fiancee hours before he died, the other about a nurse’s tough decision to live apart from her four-year-old boy as long as the pandemic continues.
This is a time of such heightened emotions – of fear and loneliness, but also of extraordinary love.
When newly qualified staff nurse Sophie Bryant-Miles arrived for a night shift on Ward One recently, she was told that a young man with a number of medical problems as well as suspected Covid-19 was not expected to survive, and was now receiving palliative care.
But also there – dressed in full PPE with gloves, apron, mask and visor – was his fiancรฉe of at least 15 years, who told staff that they had never had the time or money to marry. Life had kept getting in the way.
It was a heart-wrenching collision between love and death, but out of it came a very beautiful thing. Sophie called hospital chaplain Joe Fielder, and asked him if he could marry the couple straight away.
Joe said he couldn’t do a legally binding service but he could come and do a service that was like a wedding. They’d still say their “I do”. They’d have the whole “til death do us part” and all the things that they’d have at a wedding, except in hospital. Joe came, and we made tin foil rings for them, and we got the patient’s daughter on FaceTime so that she could watch as well.
It was just a really lovely service, and Joe was brilliant – he made brochures with the names on and all the hymns and the prayers that we were saying, everything.
The fiancee was completely understanding of the fact that we all had to be fully gowned up for it and that he [the patient] would have to wear a face mask. They were still amazingly excited about what was happening.
Joe was in the full gear, bless him, as well. He looked like he was sweating.
We did a little photograph shoot for them afterwards. Because that’s what she wanted, and that’s what he wanted. We tried to make it as much like a real wedding as we could, and then we gave them some cake too.
She’d been made very aware that he was in the last hours of his life, and I think this was the last thing that they felt they could do together. At least they’ve got this final memory together.
The medical advice was that he wasn’t going to survive the night, so I used a service and a celebration of commitments which had lots of similarities with a church wedding service.
The patient did his best to say the words but struggled at times because of his breathing. His partner did her best to say the words but struggled at times because of tears, and the family were smiling and crying at the same time.
And all this was done in PPE equipment, it was very surreal. But that patient could die knowing that he had said those words of commitment, and his family would know that he died having done that. And his partner – she was really grateful. She’s very grateful for the opportunity to have those words said.
You just want to do your bit to treat people with dignity, to help them know that they are loved and cared for. I’m very grateful to have the opportunity to help them celebrate their love and mark it in that way.
It’s too early for the wife and daughter to comment – the funeral hasn’t even taken place yet – but they have given their consent for this account to be published.
The ward manager, Jennie Marshall-Hamad, found out about the service when she woke the following morning. It was a bittersweet feeling. She felt overwhelmed and proud of her team – and a great sense of sadness when the patient passed away hours later.
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